


Intertwined

by Sneeze_Meister



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fashion & Models, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crossdressing, F/F, M/M, Plot Twists
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-04
Updated: 2015-06-20
Packaged: 2018-01-21 21:21:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1564517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sneeze_Meister/pseuds/Sneeze_Meister
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In this modern AU, Armin is a famous and popular fashion designer, partnered with Eren, Mikasa, Jean, and Annie. Armin has a double personality, however. Whenever he is in public, he acts all bossy and mean, stuck-up, and so on. But with his partners and when he's alone, he's sweet and kindhearted. As the story goes on, secrets are revealed, and Armin is slowly losing control of himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Change Like No Other

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone! Yeah, weird multi-chapter fic here. Don't worry, it gets better, I promise!  
> Apologize about any mistakes! It's 3 a.m. when I'm uploading this, so..  
> Hey, it's my first fic, and I really wanted to upload it. XD

Leaning back against the wall, Eren straightened his tie and glanced at the door across the hall from him. In there was Armin, getting dressed for the big runway show today. First of the season, so Armin had to look his best. At least, that's what Armin said. Eren sighed; it was certainly taking him a while. He wondered if Armin got lost in the closet or something.

A couple moments later, Jean came walking down the hall. Eren glanced at him, frowning slightly. Jean had dressed up as well, in a groom's Italian suit with a wing collared shirt and waist coat. The whole thing was a formal gray. Eren looked away. Honestly, he bet he didn't expect to know these sort of things about clothes when he was a teen. He took this career pathway because Armin convinced him to, and it wasn't that hard to convince him, either. Not when Armin had those big, blue, watery eyes that he knew would begin crying if he were to decline. Armin still got him that way every time, although he doesn't use them as often.

“Hey, where's Armin?” asked Jean as he stood next to Eren. The brunette jerked his head in the direction of the dressing room, not saying a word. Jean groaned and leaned against the wall next to him, exhaling deeply.

“How long is it gonna take him this time?” Jean asked, since Armin was notorious for taking too long whenever he dressed up, which was all the time. Eren smiled softly, glad that Jean was annoyed, but he also knew that they had a show to get to very soon, and that Armin could very well make them late.

“I honestly don't know.” Eren said, adding a little shrug to his words. Jean made a small unsatisfied noise and leaned away from the wall, going over to the door. He knocked on it quickly.

“Armin! How much longer are you gonna take!?” Jean called through the doorway. There was a little laughter-God, did it sound like an angel's-and then Armin answered.

“You can't rush perfection, Jean!” Jean rolled his eyes at Armin's statement and backed away slightly, since Armin was probably almost finished. Finally, Armin opened the door, walking out with expected grace.

Of course, he wore something stunning. It was a brilliant dress that trailed down to his ankles, with one shoulder sleeve and a thin black belt at the waist. The top part was white, while the skirt part was a nice turquoise. Armin wore a turquoise headband with several white flowers in it, and white flats, to complete the look. He looked absolutely stunning. It was all from his new Spring collection. Armin noticed Eren staring and grinned, spinning around so that he could be admired from all sides. After he stopped, he faced Eren, and Eren knew exactly what to say.

“You look gorgeous! Everyone'll love you!” Eren praised, and Armin beamed. Jean rolled his eyes again. “Spin around one more time!”

Armin spun around again, and Eren moved closer to him, inspecting the dress. “You've really outdone yourself this time.”

Armin nodded, giddy and excited. “I know!”

Jean was glad he didn't have to comment on Armin's outfit, although the boy really did look beautiful. But he couldn't help but speak up.

“Armin, why do you always cross dress? It's kinda weird.” Jean stated. Armin looked over at Jean in surprise and Eren gave him a fierce glare.

“Shut up, Jean! Some people actually feel comfortable in another gender's clothes and like to express themselves!” Eren said, taking an aggressive step towards Jean. Jean glared back at him and opened his mouth to say something, but Armin was quick to stop them.

“Guys, please! We have a show coming up soon! We can't waste time fighting!” Armin said, getting in between them. They both blinked at Armin's sudden shift of personality, since his public persona would've loved them fighting, especially if it had something to do with him. Jean shrugged and Eren looked away. Armin smiled.

“Let's get going then, shall we?” he asked, the usual perk in his voice slightly coming back. Eren nodded, and together all three of them headed to the room where the show was at. Once they got to the door, the quirkiness was back in his step, and his eyes were lighter than before. Armin had changed to his public persona once again. Jean separated from them so he could enter a different balcony, and Armin and Eren went through the one in the middle.

The runway room was huge. Of course, it was Spring themed, with flowers decorating the walls and runway, which was a straight catwalk from the wall where Armin's balcony protruded from. Around the room, there were three other balconies. To Armin's left balcony, Jean was standing, across from Armin against the back wall was where Annie was watching, and the one to his right was where Mikasa stood. There was a large circle in the center of the room at the end of the runway for the models to pose, and the room was already crowded with thousands of people. Most of them had cameras. Eren checked his watch; they were just in time.

Armin walked up to the edge of the balcony and threw his hands in the air. The crowd began applauding, and Armin couldn't stop grinning. The show was all his now.

“Helllooooooooooo Spring lovers! Ready for this season's latest trends!? Aren't you excited? Because I sure am!” Armin cried out into the room, and the audience was in an uproar. Armin giggled. “Great! Now let's get this show on the road, people!”

After he got the audience fired up, Armin clapped his hands twice, and the music began blaring. Models came out one by one, showing the new designs Armin's team had designed. Together, all five of them helped with the clothes. Armin was the one who came up with all the ideas, Annie sketched them out, Mikasa helped her tailor them, Jean scheduled meetings and shows, and Eren helped Armin with ideas for clothes, shows, and much more. Each one of them had a purpose on the team.

Eren's thoughts were interrupted when Armin began speaking. He was commenting on the clothes the models were wearing, and the crowd was going wild.

“That next dress was designed for the comfort and weather that Spring brings us! Just look at how much it flows, people! And spaghetti straps! All the comfort of clothes plus the fashion! What a deal!” Armin called out as the dress he was describing was shown. The crowd cheered, and Eren let his thoughts wander again.

He had watched Armin act in this way for a while now. It was weird; how Armin's flashy public persona was so different from his private one. In public, Armin was very flamboyant, loud, cheerful, and not afraid to voice his opinion. Not to mention how stuck up he could be at times, too. But his other personality was so much different. When he was just with his team, Armin was very shy and soft spoken, reading or drawing a lot. He was very kindhearted and quiet, nothing like how he acted now. Eren wondered how this ended up happening. When they were younger, the bold persona never existed, it was always the bookworm Armin that would be there. He never even had a desire to go into the fashion business until he was older. If he had to pinpoint when this shift happened, Eren would have to say...

No, he didn't want to think about that horrible time any longer. How hard Armin had cried, how he hadn't left his room for days. He looked so frail, so sickly. Eren gritted his teeth and looked at Armin. He looked healthy and full of life now. No trace of the fragile little boy he'd been after the incident all those years ago.

Armin must've noticed Eren's staring, because he glanced over at him and gave him a smile. Eren smiled back, and Armin looked back to the crowd, a spark in his eyes. Eren looked away.

He knew Armin had changed ever since then, but was it really the reason to how he acted now?


	2. Forgetful Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren forgets to feed Armin's pets again while he's away at a meeting. Armin voices some insecurities later on while the both of them are alone.

It was a couple days after the Spring show. Eren, Mikasa, and Annie were talking in the living room of the huge mansion Armin had gotten for them all to live together. Armin wasn't there because he was in the middle of a meeting with an interviewer, talking about the upcoming clothes he was releasing.

“Okay, guys, someone didn't replace the toilet paper after it ran out.” Jean complained as he walked into the room. Eren didn't bother responding, he just kept sitting on the arm of one of the couches, not even looking up at Jean. Mikasa and Annie looked over from where they were sitting on that same couch.

“It was Eren.” Annie said. Eren flinched, but Jean already assumed it was him. Armin may be known for taking too long in the dressing room, but Eren was notorious for forgetting to do simple everyday things.

“It was not me! It was probably you since you accused me first!” Eren said, pointing at Annie. The blonde rolled her eyes. Before she could say anything, Mikasa spoke up.

“Jean, it doesn't matter if there wasn't any toilet paper in that bathroom. We have too many bathrooms to count, so you could've went to another one. We were all in the living room and Armin's in a meeting, anyway, so you wouldn't embarrass yourself.” she explained. Eren leaned back and crossed his arms, looking smug after hearing Mikasa's logic. If he had to be completely honest, he would've admitted that he really was the one who forgot to replace the toilet paper. Oh well.

Jean frowned and looked away, going over and sitting in a recliner near the couch. “Whatever, I'm still certain it was Jaeger.”

Eren chose not to respond to Jean's statement and instead changed the subject. “Hey, what do you guys think Armin's planning for the season?”

“You're the one who helps him with ideas, haven't you ever looked in his sketchbook?” Mikasa said. Eren shrugged.

“Yeah, I help him, but he never allows me to look at his sketchbook. It's kinda weird, if you ask me.” Eren replied.

“He told me it was gonna be the best Spring collection he's ever designed. Said it would be flower themed.” Annie informed them, brushing some stray hair strands behind her ear. Eren nodded. He didn't really know why he asked, he guessed it was because Armin didn't tell him what it was going to be about.

“When's Armin gonna be back from the meeting?” Eren asked Jean, stretching his arms above his head. Jean glared at him, debating whether or not he should tell him, but then finally gave in.

“Sometime soon, why?” he answered.

“Because we have to change before then. You know how Armin is when he gets back from a meeting.” Everyone nodded in agreement.

“I'm already in suitable clothes, better safe than sorry.” Annie stated. Eren childishly stuck his tongue out at her.

“Well sorry for wanting to wear something the slightest bit casual once in a while.” Eren said. Annie was going to respond, but then they heard loud meows come from the kitchen. Eren's eyes grew wide and he quickly bolted to the direction the sound was coming from, muttering cuss words. Mikasa and Annie glanced at each other before following, Jean trailing behind.

When they got to the kitchen, they saw Princess and Noir, Armin's beloved cats, sitting in front of the food dishes. Princess was wailing her head off, and Noir was grooming herself. Princess was a fluffy white Persian with bright blue eyes, and Noir was a blue American shorthair with yellow eyes. Eren practically flipped his shit and he paced the kitchen.

“What the hell are you doing?” Jean asked as Eren searched for something.

“Looking for the damn cat food! Remember what Armin told us to do whenever he was gone?” Eren cried out, frustrated and still searching for the bag. It was still no where to be found. Mikasa and Annie were silent.

“Yeah, so?” Jean asked, still not getting it.

“Remember what happened the last time we forgot to take care of his pets?” Eren added, shuffling some things around in one of the shelves. Jean blinked with sudden realization.

“Oh... _Oh_...” that was all Jean was able to say. He definitely remembered the last time. Eren nodded and moved on to the next cabinet.

“Hell yeah you're gonna say that! We're fucking horrible people, and we're never letting that happen again. Otherwise Armin's gonna hang all our asses above the fireplace.” Eren said, still not finding the bag.

“Don't you mean your ass? You're the one who Armin asked to take care of Gwendolyn last time. And then you had to go and blame it on us when you couldn't remember to fucking feed the God damn guinea pig.” Mikasa spoke up.

“It's not my fault that I have a horrible memory and you guys are just so blamable!” Eren retorted.

“He trusted you with one thing, Jaeger!” Jean said, going and helping the brunette search for the cat food as well.

“He should've known! Besides, why can't he take care of his own pets?” Eren only said that because he was very frustrated, but he still slightly meant it.

“He was gone for a whole week and thought you would know to take care of the pet you passed by _every day_.” Annie said. “Not to mention that Gwen was a huge part of Armin's life. You know how he is with animals.”

“He cried, Eren. He sobbed. And hated Jean and me for about a month after you blamed both of us.” Mikasa added, and Eren groaned, slamming the cabinet door.

“Fine, fine! I'm sorry for starving Gwendolyn to death! Now let's look for the cat food before Armin kills us all.” Eren apologized.

“You mean 'kills you.'” Annie corrected him before going over to a shelf both of the boys completely ignored and taking the food bag off of it. She handed the bag to a sheepish Eren. “Now go feed the cats before Armin gets back.”

Eren quickly opened the bag and went over to the food bowls, pouring the food into Noir's first. Noir began eating and Eren was about to pour the food into Princess's bowl, but then a voice spoke up from the doorway.

“What's going on?” Armin asked, curiosity in his eyes as he walked into the room. Annie and Mikasa moved so that Armin could go into the kitchen, and Eren quickly hid the cat bag behind him, a bunch of cuss words being screamed in his head.

“Oh, hey Armin! You're back so soon...” he trailed the last bit off. Armin nodded, and was about to say something, but then the sound of Noir crunching on her food and Princess meowing brought his attention to them. He walked over to the cats, and Eren swallowed. Princess was still wailing loudly for her food.

“Oh my!” Armin cried after looking at both of the cats. Noir ignored his outburst since she was still eating, but Princess wailed even louder and rubbed her head against Armin's legs. Armin's face softened and he picked up the fluffy cat.

“Oh, my poor, poor Princess! You look so thin and malnourished! Who could've ever-” Armin paused his cooing over the cat to turn to look at Eren. He narrowed his eyes and sat down Princess. Eren knew Armin would throw a bigger fit after being in a meeting for a while, since it took several minutes before his attitude changed. Armin went over to Eren and poked his chest.

“Eren! You know better than to favor one of my precious cats! Besides, this makes no sense! Noir was the one who always attacked you! So why would you feed her, and not Princess!?” Armin demanded, glaring at Eren. Everyone watched silently.

“Um, it's not my fault.” Eren said, and Jean face palmed. Armin looked confused.

“What do you mean? I asked you to feed them while I was gone!” he said. Eren glanced at the others, and their looks could kill.

“Well, you see, Jean sort of... ate Princess's cat food before she could get to it. He knew it'd be gross, but he wanted to do whatever it takes to get you mad at me.” Eren lied. Jean looked shocked, and Mikasa looked like she was going to burst into laughter at any moment. Annie just looked amused. Armin looked disgusted, glancing between Jean and Eren, not knowing whether to believe Eren or not.

“Are you telling the truth?” Armin asked, looking up at Eren with disbelief in his eyes.

“Would I lie to you?” Eren asked. The answer was yes, but Eren looked very convincing at that moment. Armin sighed and tucked some hair behind his ear. He took the food bag from behind Eren's back and poured Princess a bowl, setting the bag on the shelf when he was done. After that, he sent a glare Jean's way.

“Jean, you and your cat food loving taste buds better watch out.” Armin warned before leaving the room. Jean's mouth hung open in complete shock, and Mikasa finally lost it, her laughter filling the kitchen. Even Annie chuckled some, and Eren was grinning.

“You're lucky Armin trusts you so.” Jean said when he finally got control of his mouth. He then stalked out of the room, embarrassed and angry, Mikasa's laughter following him out.

**:**

“What's your opinion on me?” Armin asked later that night. The digital clock beside the bed read 11:31 p.m. Eren and him were sitting on the bed, facing each other, and Armin was sketching in his drawing book. His knees were up so that Eren couldn't see what he was sketching.

Eren looked up in surprise. Armin had never voiced any insecurities before. There were times where Eren thought Armin was feeling insecure, but his face seemed to calm before he could say anything. Sometimes he wondered if Armin was bipolar, or maybe even had multiple personality disorder.

“Well?” Armin asked again as the pencil in his hand kept moving. He never looked up from his work. Eren cleared his throat before speaking.

“I'm not sure what you're implying.” he finally said. Armin closed the sketchbook and set it aside with the pencil, looking up at Eren.

“What I'm _implying_ is whether or not I'm good enough for you.” Armin clarified. Eren kept staring at him.

“Am I a good person? Do you like me? Would you do anything for me? Do you think I'm stupid?” Armin asked, and Eren blinked.

“Armin... of course you're a good person.” Eren said.

“What about my other questions?” Armin asked, tilting his head in a worried manner. Eren sighed.

“Armin, I don't know why you're acting insecure now, but you're beautiful, inside and out. I could never ask for someone else. No one will ever be as perfect as you. You're also the smartest person I know.” Eren explained, brushing some hair out of Armin's face and smiling.

“Perfection can also be a flaw.” Armin murmured, and Eren shook his head.

“Not when it comes to you. I...” he looked away and sighed.

“You what?” Armin asked. Eren shook his head again.

“Nothing. It's time to get some rest.” Eren said. Armin chewed his lip, but let it go.

“Fine.” Armin whispered. He moved his sketchbook to the nightstand and crawled into the covers. Eren hesitated for a moment, and Armin spoke up.

“Eren, when I asked about the stupid thing, I meant about earlier today. I got to thinking, and I realized that Jean would never eat cat food. Even to get me mad at you.” Armin said, and Eren laughed, scratching the back of his head.

“Yeah, I lied. But I would never lie to you about anything serious.” Eren reassured the blonde before standing up. Armin chuckled.

“Promise?” he asked.

“Promise.” Eren replied, and then moved to the door. He opened it, but Armin stopped him.

“Eren?”

“Yeah?”

“Could you sleep next to me tonight? You... you don't have to if you don't want to.” Armin asked, and Eren froze at the doorway. Then a smile spread across his face. He turned to look over at Armin.

“Of course.” Eren turned off the lights and closed the door, heading back over to the bed. Armin smiled softly, although Eren couldn't see it in the darkness. Eren climbed in next to Armin, and Armin moved closer to his warmth, closing his eyes tight.

“Goodnight, Eren.” Armin whispered.

“Night, Armin.” Eren replied, and he pulled Armin closer. He noticed how different Armin was acting with him. He thought for sure that he'd throw a bigger fit than he did earlier today, and certainly he didn't think Armin would invite him to sleep beside him. Maybe Armin was cold, or maybe Armin wanted to get closer to Eren.

Eren would've never guessed that it was because Armin was scared.


	3. Strange Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Armin wakes up from a nightmare, and Annie can't sleep.

_It was so beautiful outside that day. The breeze was cool, and birds were chirping overhead. He was playing in the forest. But it wasn't just anywhere in the forest, he was in a clearing that he was certain was magical. The grass was a perfect shade of light green, the trees surrounded the clearing in a protective manner, and little flowers and dandelions were everywhere, ready to be woven into flower crowns. At the moment, he was sitting in the center of the clearing, picking grass from the dirt._

_But he wasn't alone. A young girl, the same age and appearance as him, was with him. And this would be the last time they played together, yet neither of them knew._

_So they kept playing, pulling up grass, throwing it at each other, giggling in a way that only innocent children could._

_“Hey, Armin! Look!” the young girl said, and the boy looked over. She pointed to a single blade of grass, and on that blade was a bright red lady bug. They both stared in amazement at it, their faces pressed close to it. Finally, it flew away, and the girl got up and ran after it until she couldn't see it anymore. Disappointed, she turned and walked back over to Armin._

_“Don't worry, I'm sure we'll find it again.” Armin reassured her, and she gave a bright smile. Then she sat back down at their usual place, and Armin joined her, and together they wove flower crowns. Laughing, they talked about little childish things as they created the beautiful masterpieces, and soon they were finished. They both leaned back, admiring their work._

_The girl then snatched Armin's flower crown, placing it on her head. Armin looked surprised. “Hey! That's mine!” he cried._

_“If you want it back, you're gonna have to catch me!” she squealed, getting up and running away. Armin giggled and chased after her. They ran all about the clearing, the girl holding the crown on her head so that it wouldn't fall off._

_Finally, they both fell to the grassy ground on their backs, panting fast and laughing. Armin snatched the crown from her, and she let him, too exhausted to take it back. They stared up at the clouds as they caught their breaths, the ground's warmth seeping into their bodies and driving away any goosebumps._

_Suddenly, a shadow covered both of them, and they grew cold now that they were cut off from the sun's heat. They both looked up to see a human figure looming over them, grinning mischievously._

“Aah!” Armin cried, opening his eyes and gasping for breath. He panted heavily, wiping cold sweat from his forehead, and looked around, still frightened. He remembered that he was laying in his bed, and now the covers were tousled about him, and Eren's arms still clung to him. Armin felt something on his face and wiped it, realizing that he had been crying. He wondered how Eren could've slept through his tossing and turning and crying out. Maybe Eren really was a heavy sleeper after all.

He sighed and stretched, feeling slightly confined in Eren's tight grip. The events of last night mixed up with those in his dream, and he rubbed his eyes, hoping to straighten them out. He did not go out to play in the woods after the interview, and he certainly hasn't made flower crowns in a long, long time. He hated when he had dreams from back then, especially when they were about her, because somehow his memories get mixed up with them, and he has to spend days sorting them back out again.

Armin gave a quick glance over at the digital clock. 3:26 a.m. Sighing again, the blonde managed to wiggle out of Eren's arms and onto the floor. He landed with a soft thud, and froze when Eren shifted. Then the sleeping brunette rolled over onto his other side and gave a light snore. Armin smiled and stood up. He didn't know if he could go back to sleep, but he knew that even if he could, he'd be haunted by that same dream over and over.

Going over to the closet, Armin debated on whether to wear a casual outfit or a fashionable one. He knew everyone would be surprised if he went for the first. He felt split, he wanted to wear both. Armin chewed on his lip while he mulled over the decision. Either follow the expectations, or go with laziness. He finally settled on something that was both comfortable and fashionable, so in the end both sides of himself won. When he was a teen and had the sudden and strong desire to join the fashion business, he never knew he'd have a wardrobe as fancy as this. Maybe deep down, somewhere in the depths that not even he knew of, he knew this would happen, that he'd be standing here right now, deciding on what to wear. He didn't want to think about that anymore and instead pulled on the clothes he chose.

After that, he went over to the door. Might as well get started on work early. He put his hand on the door handle, but something made him pause. He glanced back over to Eren, and felt something shift in him. He let go of the door and headed over to him. Once he stood beside the bed, he leaned down and kissed Eren's cheek before he chickened out. Immediately, mixed feelings coursed through him, and he held his head, a slight pain throbbing in the back of his head. He knew why this was happening, but at the same time, he didn't care.

This time when he got to the door, he walked out, not looking back.

:

The birds were chirping outside of her room door. God, she hated the noise they made. It seemed like they were mocking her, in a way. They were taunting her, teasing her about not getting any sleep again tonight.

Annie really hated mornings.

She had been suffering from a bad case of insomnia for who knows how long. She didn't exactly know how it started, all she knew was that one night she didn't feel like sleeping, and the rest was history. She also didn't know exactly why she was suffering from insomnia, either. Perhaps she was depressed, maybe there was an external reason. Whatever the case, she was suffering from it, and she couldn't go to the doctor. It wasn't in her nature to go to the hospital unless something serious happened to her, and sleep deprivation wasn't necessarily her major concern right now. Hey, the earlier you wake up, the more things you can accomplish, right?

Sighing through her nose, Annie looked over Mikasa's sleeping form to the clock on the nightstand. 3:30 a.m. Annie laid her head back down. There was no way she was getting any sleep now. She hadn't been feeling tired for half the night, and then when she was, she couldn't seem to actually go to sleep. Mikasa went out like a light after Annie sneaked into her room and helped her. She had been collecting information on how to fall asleep for months, and the only one she seemed to be helping was Mikasa, who may just have too much energy that she doesn't use throughout the day. The only good thing about Annie's insomnia is that now she doesn't steal all the covers and throw them to the floor. She told Mikasa that maybe she didn't want to be a bitch anymore when she was sleeping, but really it was because she wasn't sleeping. Mikasa still believed her.

Annie found that just laying next to Mikasa wouldn't help her case any longer. It was time to rise with the sun and get some work done, maybe research some more sleep techniques. She carefully climbed out of bed, knowing how light of a sleeper Mikasa was. It wouldn't be good to wake her at three in the morning.

Making her way over to the dresser, Annie pulled out some clothes and put them on, not really caring because she was so exhausted. After that, she put her hair up into a bun, making sure it was tight enough. She quickly went over to the door, but before she could slip out, Mikasa stirred and awakened, noticing that Annie was no longer next to her.

“Annie...?” Mikasa asked, her voice thick with sleep. Annie froze, then slowly turned to see Mikasa looking up at her. She slowly sat up. “What are you doing up so early?”

“I just woke up, so I decided I was going to take a jog, and then maybe work some.” Annie covered. True, she was going for a jog, since those helped waken her up and get her mind going. And after that she was going to work, so she wasn't exactly lying. Mikasa frowned.

“Really? Are you sure you're not tired?” she asked. Annie shook her head, then realized her mistake and nodded.

“Yeah... Yeah, I'm not tired. Don't worry about it.” she told her. Mikasa huffed and laid back down. She was too tired to question Annie anymore. Unlike her and Armin, Mikasa actually could go back to sleep once she had been awakened.

“Okay, don't stress yourself.” Mikasa said, then closed her eyes. Annie leaned against the door in relief, glad that Mikasa didn't push the subject any farther. After a brief moment, Annie went out the door, softly shutting it behind her.

:

Both of the blondes walked down hallway after hallway, trying to get to their destinations. At one point, Armin turned the next corner too fast, and they bumped into each other. Surprised, they both jumped away, Annie in a slightly defensive position and Armin just looking surprised. After Annie saw that it was only Armin, she relaxed, as did the other.

“Wh-what are you doing up so early?” Armin asked. Annie narrowed her eyes.

“I could say the same about you.” she replied. Armin gulped. He looked around before responding, as if someone else would hear.

“Well, I had a nightmare, and I couldn't go back to sleep. You?” he explained.

“Same.” Annie lied.

“What was your dream about?” he asked, his inquisitive eyes seeming to know that she was lying.

“I don't want to talk about it.” she mumbled, keeping a straight face. Armin stared at her for several more seconds, then nodded, accepting her lie.

“Okay then. What are you doing now?”

“Going for a jog.”

“Oh. I'm working.”

“That's all you ever do.” Armin looked surprised by Annie's observation, but then his face hardened.

“I guess so.” he admitted. “Well, have fun on your jog.”

“Have fun working.” Annie replied, and then they parted ways. Before they could exit the hall, however, a sudden stab of pain flared through Armin's head, and he gasped, holding it tightly as he fell to his knees. Annie looked back, saw him on the floor, and hesitated. She didn't know why she didn't immediately run to him, but finally she did go over to him.

“Armin, what happened?” Annie asked once she reached him. Armin kept holding his head, not answering her. Annie pressed her lips into a thin line before kneeling down next to him.

“Are you gonna be alright?” she asked, her voice soft. Armin was gritting his teeth so hard that he couldn't respond. He was able to give Annie a nod, though.

“I'll... be alright. I just... need to be let alone, first...” Armin muttered. Annie was silent, but then nodded and stood up. She turned and left the hallway, glancing back once. After she was behind the corner, she pressed her back against the wall and peered over to watch Armin. She knew something was up.

Armin was completely still. He didn't move for so long that Annie was just about to leave, but finally he stirred, looking up at the ceiling.

“Yeah, yeah, I know I messed up.” she could hear him mumble. Was he talking to himself?

“Please stop nagging me, it's painful.” Armin said after a pause, holding the sides of his head. Annie stared, maybe Armin was completely off his rocker. After another long moment, he sighed.

“Yes, I promise it won't happen again. Now leave me alone, please.” he said. Annie cinched her eyebrows together, trying to figure out what was going on. Finally, after the longest time, Armin stood up and shuffled down the corridor, in the opposite direction Annie was in. She stared at where Armin had went for a while longer, trying to comprehend what happened, and turning up with nothing. Sighing, she turned and headed towards the outside doors so she could go do her morning run.


	4. Vanished State of Being

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Armin struggles with his identity and Jean brings a friend over for dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, my inspiration was an old, dried up well for so long. But, finally! I have found a breakthrough to water. Sorry about the lapse in updates, and I plan on updating at least once a week. If I don't, either something came up or I'm in writer's block jail.
> 
> Thanks for sticking around though, and hope this chapter was worth the wait!

A couple minutes after that unfortunate incident in which Armin had collapsed, the poor blonde arrived at his office. The door was made out of a specially carved mahogany wood. It was quite lovely, really, but Armin barely paid any mind to it. He opened the door and closed it behind him, looking around and flicking on the light. The room looked the same as it always did. Wide and spacey, there was a table in the middle that had a lot of paperwork on it, and several drawing easels at the back of the room. The far wall was entirely made out of glass so that Armin could see the outside and get inspiration. A full length mirror was against the left wall, and a trashcan was in the corner. Even though everything was the same, Armin still had this nagging feeling that wouldn't go away.

Sighing, Armin headed over to the center table. After sitting in the chair, he sifted through the pages, trying to get to work. After reading several lines, he realized that the reason why nothing made sense was because the words were too blurry. He rubbed at his eyes, but his hands came back dry. His chest ached, and Armin felt restless. He pushed away the papers and stood up. Maybe reading and doing paperwork wasn't a good idea. Maybe he should work on the new clothing line instead.

He made his way over to one of the easels, sitting down and glancing out the window. It looked pretty peaceful out. Few people were wandering the streets, which made sense since it was very early in the morning. Armin looked through the sketches that he had doodled a couple days ago. He remembered liking them then, but suddenly he hated every single one now. Glaring at the drawings, he grabbed the small stack and threw them in the trash. He was glad no one saw them. The outfits were pretty ugly. Not like the theme at all.

Turning back to the easel, Armin stared at the blank page. He had to sketch _something_ after throwing away those drawings, otherwise he would've lost progress. Armin knew it was absurd, but he felt as if the paper was staring back at him. It intimidated him, and the experience was new. He was being an idiot, thinking that a page could hinder a creative mind, but he couldn't help himself. He grabbed the pencil and had lifted it to the paper when he noticed how badly his hand was shaking. What was going on with him?

Armin didn't feel like sketching ideas anymore. He quickly set down the pencil and stood up. Trying to work wasn't such a good idea after all. He backed away from the daunting easel and its paper, deciding that he should leave the room. When he turned, however, he caught his reflection in the mirror. He froze, then slowly turned so that he could see his mirror image. He stepped closer to the glass until he was right in front of it.

He looked absolutely dreadful. There were heavy bags under his eyes, and his hair was a complete mess. He must've forgotten to brush it earlier. His skin was pale, too pale, and his whole stature screamed weakness. He grimaced, and his reflection did the same.

Suddenly, the nagging feeling he had exploded into a thought, and he felt really dizzy. He felt detached from himself, as if he wasn't him, just a spectator looking through his eyes. This body wasn't his. Not at all. It never belonged to him. Everything about it just screamed _Not me_ so loud that he thought he'd go deaf. Slowly, his hand reached up to touch his cheek, but he was unaware of it until he saw the mirror mimic him. And then the image flashed. He was no longer Armin Arlert in the mirror. No, he was someone else; someone better. His hair was longer, his eyes were brighter, and his frame was much more smaller, more feminine like. It was just for a second that he saw that image, but it seared into his brain until he really thought he _was_ that person.

“No...” he whispered, just to hear a voice. “Stop, this isn't you! You're Armin Arlert, fashion prodigy.” he reminded himself, staring into them mirror with wide eyes.

_Aren't fashion prodigies usually female?_ A familiar voice echoed inside his head, and he thought he would retch.

“Th-There's no possible way that I'm a girl! I... I was born as a male! I am a male!” his voice raised until it finally cracked. He heard laughter taunt him inside his head, and he tried to scream, but no sound came out. He was a male! He was supposed to be a male! Sure, he cross dressed, but he just felt more comfortable in girls' clothes and they were much more beautiful. Still, his thoughts began swarming with possibilities. What if things were different? What if he was female? No, Armin _was_ female; he wasn't himself – he never was! He was always controlled, by her-

A sharp pain in his head interrupted his thoughts. Surely he must be going completely insane! His mind seemed to be splitting apart, in two very different ways. Crying out, Armin slammed his fist against the mirror, and it broke, sending shards spilling everywhere. He kept hitting the mirror, over and over again. Knuckles bloody and covered with glass, the blonde turned and marched over to the table, swiping all the paperwork to the floor and knocking over the chair. After that, he attacked the no-longer-intimidating easels, hitting them to the floor and stomping on them. He threw pens and pencils against the walls, screaming his head off the whole entire time. Finally, his energy was spent, and he collapsed in a sobbing pile in front of the broken mirror.

A couple seconds later, the door burst open and there stood Jean, worried to death at the sudden ruckus inside Armin's office. He stared at the room wide eyed, before quickly going over to Armin, who was still crying.

“Hey, what's wrong? What happened in here, it's like a tornado decided to visit!” Jean questioned him, getting onto his knees in front of the blonde. Armin sniffled, but didn't look at Jean. Jean clicked his tongue and looked around, not knowing what to say. He wasn't good at the whole comforting thing, and he also had no idea what was going on.

“I... Jean, I don't know who I _am_ anymore! I don't e-even think I'm me!” Armin said, hyperventilating and choking back another sob at the same time, which made it really hard for Jean to decipher what Armin was saying. After he figured it out, he just seemed to be even more confused and not helpful.

“Oh. Well, that sucks, Armin. That really does. I don't exactly know what to tell you, but just know that if you ever lose yourself, you will find you again. No matter what. And I'm always here for you, too, as are Mikasa, Annie, and dickwa-I mean Eren. So, uh, don't worry.” Jean explained, awkwardly patting Armin on the back. He had no idea if he helped or not, but Armin cracked a grin at Jean almost calling Eren a name, so he knew he was on the right track.

“Um, Jean?” Armin asked before sniffling.

“Yeah?” he asked.

“Can you keep this a secret?” Armin asked, his voice hoarse from yelling.

Jean nodded. “Yeah, of course! I wouldn't tell anyone about this.” He glanced around the room again before standing up. Brushing off the glass, he spoke up. “Here, I'll clean this up.” he offered.

Armin immediately shook his head. “No, no! I caused it, I should clean it.”

“At least let me help.” Jean said. Armin thought for a moment, decided Jean wouldn't take a no, and sighed. Jean took that as a yes and began cleaning. After a moment, Armin joined him.

* * *

 

Later that day, everyone was gathered around the dining table. Well, everyone except Jean, which Eren seemed very pleased about until Mikasa spoke up.

“Jean's just going to bring a friend over. He'll be here.” she assured everyone, and Eren groaned.

“Ugh, why does Jean have to bring a friend? I bet they're as bad as horseface himself!” Eren said. Annie rolled her eyes and Mikasa chastised him, but Armin was glad that Eren was making those remarks. It made things feel a lot more normal to him. After a couple more minutes, Jean finally walked in with his friend. He was taller than Jean was, and had freckles dotted all over his skin. He smiled wide when he saw everyone. Armin noted with distaste that Marco was wearing a simple white t-shirt and jeans, but decided to ignore the urge to comment. He noticed Marco was holding a container when Jean spoke up.

“Guys, this is Marco. Marco, this is Annie, Mikasa, Armin, and Eren.” Jean said, gesturing at each one in turn. Marco waved and greeted them. “He cooked dinner for us.” Jean added.

“Sweet, I'm starving!” Eren said, and everyone emitted some sort of laughing noise. Marco set down the container in the middle of the table, and Jean pulled out a seat for him to sit.

“Go ahead and sit, Marco. I'll serve them.” Jean said. Armin noted how much more polite Jean was to Marco than to them, and he wondered if there was anything more going on between them than friendship. Eren rolled his eyes, but Marco sat down and Jean opened the container.

Marco had brought chicken, steamed vegetables, and baked potatoes. There was also another item wrapped in tinfoil and to the side, but Jean didn't touch it. After serving Armin, Mikasa, Annie, and Marco, Jean gave Eren a tiny bit on his plate and handed it to the brunette. Eren gave Jean a glare.

“Jean, I made that for him, too.” Marco informed. Jean smirked, but he put more onto Eren's plate and handed it to him, Eren grumbling something that no one could hear. After everyone was served, they began to dig in.

“Mmm, this is good! How long have you been cooking, Marco?” Armin asked after swallowing. Marco beamed, looking absolutely overjoyed that Armin liked his cooking.

“Ah, it'd have to be ever since I was twelve.” he recalled, thinking back on his life. Armin nodded, then took another bite.

“Yah, fis weally gooh.” Eren said, mouth full. Marco laughed and Jean looked repulsed. A moment later both Jean and Eren got into a heated argument about table manners before Mikasa had to break them apart.

They made some more small talk over dinner. Marco enjoyed discussing about Armin's career and the clothes he's made over the years, and Armin had to admit, he did like the attention. He never really considered himself to like attention so. Hopefully he could smother the feeling into nothing.

Managing to get through dinner in one piece, Armin was about to excuse himself when Marco spoke. “Okay everyone! I made you all a slice of cake!” and Marco uncovered the tinfoil to find a chocolate cake underneath. After serving everyone a piece, Marco watched them expectantly. Armin knew it would be rude to leave now, and he wanted to eat the cake, so he took a bite of it, chewing it carefully before swallowing.

“I think that was even better than the dinner.” Armin commented, and everyone agreed. Marco thanked them and began to eat his own slice.

As Armin ate, he began feeling more and more upset, his whole body feeling disgusted. The cake was delicious, yes, very delicious, but he knew his body was only going to feel worse, so he set down his fork and excused himself to the restroom.

Armin barely made it to the toilet before he threw up his meal. Coughing, he let the rest of his stomach's contents spill into the toilet before wiping his mouth. His mouth tasted of the vile remains, and the taste stung his mouth. Even though he flushed the toilet, the taste still reminded him of what he did. Not that it was really his fault. He wanted to eat the cake, really and truly. He just couldn't eat a lot. Not as much as he used to, anyway. Armin knew why, but he wouldn't think about the reason. Because if he did, his head will begin to pound again. Taking out his toothbrush, Armin cleaned his mouth with toothpaste and mouthwash as thoroughly as he could. Leave no traces, leave no traces.

Armin got back to the table just as everyone was cleaning up. Armin still had food left on his plate, but he told Marco he'd save it for later. Marco nodded and even went as far as to put the items into bags for him. Marco really was too kind.

Marco let himself out when everything was all cleaned up, and everyone said their goodbyes, even though he promised he'd be back again soon. Armin realized how perfectly normal the whole thing was-well, besides his vomit fest-and he yearned for more normal moments like this. Eren and Jean bickering over which TV show to watch was homey. Mikasa making them change to her own show was comforting. Annie observing the whole scene was relaxing. Armin realized that he was observing, too. He'd usually quietly offer up a show that he liked, and everyone would settle on that, but tonight things were different. Armin sighed. Even when things were perfectly normal, everything seemed so different and strange to him. He was beginning to feel distant from his partners, and he didn't want that. That was the exact reason why he suggested they all lived together. He didn't want to be left behind, forgotten.


	5. Change of Scenery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Since Armin's inspiration disappeared, Mikasa decided that Armin needed a change of scenery. Armin was all for it until she suggested their hometown. Now Armin is back in his hometown, where he thought he left his demons for good. Speaking of demons, the lodge where they're staying at is co-owned by someone that Armin never wanted to meet again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, this is a day late on schedule, but oh well. Stayed up all night to get this done, but it doesn't really matter since my sleeping schedule has gone haywire. Oh well! Please enjoy the chapter! :D

When Mikasa walked into her work room and sat down at the long table next to Annie, what she expected was for the blonde to slide over some sketches and discuss fabrics. What she didn't expect was for Annie to pull out a nail filer and do just that; file her nails. Mikasa gave her an odd stare for a moment, and when Annie either didn't catch on or pretended not to, she huffed and spoke up.

“Don't we have a job to do?”

“Well, I thought so until I got absolutely nothing from Armin,” she replied, not looking up from her task. Mikasa blinked.

“What?”

“Armin didn't give me any base sketches today. Or this week, for that matter.”

“But he's always giving you ideas and raving about how cool it'll look if I don't fuck up the tailoring!”

“He's been awfully quiet this week...” Mikasa sighed at Annie's words and stood up. Annie finally put away the filer and looked up at her.

“I'm gonna go find him and see what's going on,” she informed her. The blonde nodded, and Mikasa walked out of the room. Looking around, she had no clue where Armin would be. He usually didn't have a place to dwell in; he just sort of appeared anywhere. Biting her lip, Mikasa turned down the hallway on the left and tried to find him.

After a while of searching through rooms, she finally happened to glance out into the huge backyard. There was Eren and Jean, playing some sort of game. At the moment they looked to be arguing, and Mikasa rolled her eyes. But maybe Armin would be out there, so she headed downstairs and to the back porch.

She slid open the screen door and sure enough, she saw the familiar head of blonde hair facing away from her and leaning against the porch railing, watching the two boys in the grass. Mikasa softly closed the door behind her and walked over to Armin, who didn't notice her arrival until she stood next to him. Slowly, he turned until their eyes met.

“Hey, Mika,” he mumbled. She greeted him back. “What are you doing out here?”

"I came to find you," Mikasa told him. "Where are all the sketches that you were supposed to give Annie?" Armin's eyes widened, and he quickly looked away. Mikasa narrowed her eyes. "Armin..."

"...I threw them away," he whispered, barely audible. Mikasa gave him a weird look.

"You... threw them away?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because they weren't any good. None of them were up to my level," Armin glanced at Mikasa before watching Eren and Jean again, tucking a lock of hair behind his ear. Mikasa shook her head.

"You should've at least talked to Annie about them. Maybe then-" Armin interrupted her.

"All my inspiration is gone, okay!?" he cried, slamming his hand on the railing. Mikasa blinked in surprise, and Jean and Eren stopped and looked over at them.

"Everything okay?" Eren called out.

"Yeah, everything's fine!" Mikasa responded. Armin kept his head down, his hands griping the white railing tightly. Eren kept staring for a moment before Jean spoke to him, and they were back to their game.

"I'm no longer fit to be a fashion genius. I just can't make the cut anymore. I'm done for," Armin whispered, taking in shaky breaths. Mikasa tensed and glanced over at Eren, who didn't notice Armin's state just yet. She had to calm the blonde down before things got out of hand. She moved closer to Armin and wrapped part of her scarf around his neck; like they used to do when their bodies were much smaller. Armin leaned closer to her, and she ruffled his hair.

"Even geniuses get stuck," she told him. He didn't respond. Mikasa thought for a moment, staring out across the lawn and watching the boys kick a ball around. She waited until Armin's breaths evened out, and then she spoke again. "Maybe you just need a change of scenery." Armin looked up at her.

"What kind of change of scenery?" he asked.

"Remember when you began getting into fashion?" she asked.

"Yeah, that was back when-" he stopped suddenly, and his eyes widened. "You don't mean..."

"Yes, I do," she said, determination in her eyes. "Going back there will probably get rid of the problem."

Armin looked down. "I don't know. That's our old town. That's where... the incident happened." Mikasa nodded.

"Yes, but it's where your original inspiration took hold."

"I don't want to be reminded of her."

"I know, Armin," Mikasa said, leaning her head against his as she rubbed his upper back. "I know."

* * *

In the days that followed, Mikasa was able to rent several rooms in a lodge located in their home town, get plane tickets for first class (Armin wouldn't have it any other way), and get everyone to pack their bags. She had reassured Armin that they weren't going to be away from home for long- just long enough for him to get some clothing ideas.

Finally, they were at the airport. Mikasa watched the transformation of Armin from private to public. When they were at the mansion, Armin had carried his bags to the limo. When they got to the airport, he made Eren carry them; walking through the building with confidence. It was strange how his personality could change so quickly. Armin adjusted his sunglasses on his head and snapped his gum, turning to look at them all briefly. He was dressed very fashionably; wearing a turquoise shirt with one sleeve and long black pants with a simple tan belt. His shoes were white pumps and he wore a blue knit cabbie with a white button on his head. Black sunglasses were covering his eyes.

"Going from London to such a rural city. What was I thinking?" he asked no one in particular as they walked. His alter ego had definitely decided to make an appearance, Mikasa noted.

"You wanted inspiration," Jean reminded him. Armin sighed.

"It was a rhetorical question, Jean," Armin told him. Jean rolled his eyes, obviously not happy about Armin's attitude. Armin didn't notice.

"Since airplane food sucks, let's get something to eat before we go," Armin suggested.

"Sure! I'm pretty hungry!" Eren agreed, and Mikasa gave him a look. Eren looked away from Mikasa, pretending that he hadn't eaten a huge bowl of cereal before leaving. He just wanted to please Armin, like always. This was probably why Armin was so spoiled.

"Great! Let's go... to that store!" Armin said, pointing to one of the airport restaurants. Eren agreed with his choice, and since nobody else really cared, they followed Armin inside. Armin told them what he wanted and he went to go find a clean table. The rest of them waited in line.

Once they were finished with their meal, they continued on their way to the flight. Mikasa checked the time on her phone. The flight was almost ready to board. Once they got to the waiting area, they sat, and Armin looked out the huge windows, his lips curled into a frown. Mikasa remembered the times when they had to wait before; and she gave him her phone to play a game on. Now that Armin was preoccupied, she leaned against the seat and stared up at the ceiling.

"Do you really think this is a good idea?" she heard Annie ask beside her. She glanced over at the blonde, her icy blue eyes watching Mikasa. After a moment, Mikasa nodded.

"Yes. This was where Armin had first developed an interest in fashion, after all," she replied, glancing to see if Armin had heard her. He was too busy playing tetris, however, so she turned her attention back on Annie.

"If you say so," Annie whispered, looking away from Mikasa. Mikasa people watched until the speaker overhead told them it was time to board. Armin handed her the phone and stood up, stretching his arms above his head. They all boarded the plane and sat in the first class seats.

"Hey, Armin, you excited to see our home town again?" Eren asked the boy after the plane took off. When he didn't respond, Eren moved Armin's shades to see that the boy was asleep. He smiled softly and set them back down, turning to look at Mikasa.

"He's out." he said, tilting his head in Armin's direction. Mikasa looked over at the blonde, watched his head loll to the side, and smiled softly.

"So he is," was all she said.

* * *

 

The landing of the plane was what woke up Armin. Dazed, he looked around, confused. Why was the room so dark? Then he felt his sunglasses and raised them so that he could see the room better. Blinking, he saw that it wasn't actually a room at all, but an airplane.

"Ah, Sleeping Beauty's finally awake!" Eren teased, and Armin turned to see the brunette sitting next to him. He nodded. As everyone began filing out of the airplane, Eren helped Armin up. Armin adjusted his sunglasses and followed him outside of the plane.

Armin was quiet the whole way over to the luggage pickup section. Occasionally, Mikasa would glance at him, trying to decipher what was going on inside his head, then give up and look ahead instead. If Armin wasn't wearing the shades, Mikasa would've noticed how nervous Armin looked. He wondered what awaited him outside the airport. His hometown was way too small to have its own airport, so they were probably going to have to drive the rest of the way there.

Once they arrived at the luggage section, Eren, Jean, and Mikasa picked up the bags. Annie carefully picked up the two cat carriers that contained both of Armin's cats. The animals didn't seem happy at all that they had to endure this trip, but Armin wasn't going to leave without them.

The group left the airport after gathering their bags. Armin looked around the outside of the airport, looking for anything that would tell him what they were going to do next. He watched Mikasa and the others head to a huge SUV parked at the curb. A girl was leaning against the car, looking around. When she spotted them, she gave a wave. They headed over to her.

"Are you guys the ones that're renting some rooms at the lodge?" the girl asked.

Mikasa nodded. "Yes. I'm Mikasa, and these are my friends, Armin, Eren, Annie, and Jean," she gestured to each one in turn. The girl nodded.

"Great. My name's Petra," she said. She helped their bags into the back, and finally she patted the silver car. "Well, go on and get in. It's gonna be an hour drive, so get comfy."

After everyone was situated, Petra got into the SUV and started it. The engine roared to life, and she maneuvered the car onto the road. Armin wiped some sweat off his forehead and stared out the window. He took off his sunglasses and put them in his lap; planning to put them on once they got to the lodge. Eren watched Armin stare outside for a while before speaking up.

"It's pretty out, huh?" he asked.

"Yeah, I guess. Too hot, though," Armin said. Eren nodded.

"Do you remember how it was completely surrounded by woods on all sides?" Eren asked. Armin slowly turned to look at him.

"Yeah. I actually kind of missed them."

"We would always explore them when we were younger," Eren sighed through his nose and closed his eyes. Armin stared at him for a moment.

"I remember." he finally breathed.

"Too bad that it all had to go downhill, huh?" Eren looked over at him, and Armin quickly glanced out the window. The streets were lined with shops and restaurants, people milling about them. He felt like his throat was closing up, and soon the view outside was getting too blurry to see anything.

"Oh, uh, sorry Armin. I shouldn't of brought it up," Eren apologized. Armin wiped his eyes. "But we tried everything we could, you know? She was nowhere to be found."

Eren just didn't know when to stop. "Please stop talking about it," Armin asked, and Eren looked away. Mikasa glanced behind her at both of them.

"Eren, you better not be upsetting Armin," she warned. Eren blinked in surprise.

"What!? I wasn't doing anything!" he said. Mikasa was about to speak again, but Armin cut in.

"I'm fine, Mikasa. Thank you," he said. Mikasa stared at them, sighed, then turned around. Armin let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. Why was everyone always bringing up what happened back then? One of the reasons why he moved to London was so that he could escape the past; but he guessed it always caught up to you at some point.

_Stop acting like such a child,_ a voice in his head scolded. _You're an adult, now act like it._

Armin bit his lip and stared out the window again, watching as the buildings thinned out and the forest engulfed them; the road changing from paved to dirt. Petra commented on the wildlife, and her and Jean, who was in the passenger seat, began chatting about the forest and the animals in them. Armin tuned out their voices, lost in the sea of his own thoughts.

_We've finally returned back home. Back to where the incident happened; and ruined everything,_ he thought, watching the trees go by.

_I honestly think everything's better this way. Because of what happened, your name is out there in the world,_ said the voice. Armin shook his head. He really needed to stop thinking to himself. He was surely going crazy.

Suddenly, he felt a hand on his knee. "Hey," Eren said. Armin turned to look at Eren's hand, before trailing up until their eyes were locked. "I'm sorry about what I said earlier."

"It's okay," Armin said. "You already apologized before, so..." he squeezed Eren's hand momentarily before pulling away and looking out the window again. After a couple seconds, the hand left his leg, and his leg grew cold again.

About an hour later, the trees began to thin out, and finally, civilization broke through. Large acres of crops and farms were on either side of the road, and Armin could see farmers out there, tending to the fields. A wave of nostalgia hit him, and he felt like puking. Covering his mouth, he tried to swallow, but ended up coughing. Eren gave him a worried look, but Armin shook his head. He was going to be fine.

After the farms, the houses and the shops began lining along both sides of the road. Armin could still see the thick forest a little ways behind the buildings. The SUV passed by a small school, where children were playing outside. After driving for another minute, Petra turned onto a road that curved away from the town and towards the forest. Armin was about to ask what she was doing, when he saw a huge log cabin-like building nestled in the trees. That must've been the lodge.

Petra parked in front of the lodge, and everyone stepped out. After stretching out the kinks in their muscles, they went to go grab their things. Armin didn't move toward the trunk. Instead, he leaned against the SUV, waiting for them.

"Hey, why isn't Blondie helping?" Petra asked, grabbing a bag. Annie ignored her, knowing that she was talking about Armin. Armin decided not to wear his sunglasses, and instead slipped them into his pants' pocket.

"He normally leaves the dirty work to us," Jean answered her, hefting a particularly heavy bag onto his shoulder. Petra pursed her lips, but didn't say anything. After gathering their things, Petra led them inside.

The lobby was cozy looking. There was a long rectangular rug in the center, and a reception desk was at the back. There were pictures of lakes and wildlife on the walls, as well as artifacts and hunted animals. There was a hallway leading further left. From what they could see, there were several tables with boardgames on them and a fireplace in the back. In the hallway were two doors on either side and stairs going up. It wasn't exactly up to Armin's standards, but it would do.

"Alright, I'll give you a tour of the place, and then you'll meet my employer," Petra explained. They followed her as she went upstairs. What was upstairs was a long hallway with doors on either side. There was a laundry chute next to them, and a fire escape was at the end of the hall. "These here are the rooms." She led them each to their rooms.

After getting assigned a room and putting away their things, Armin let both of his cats out into his room. Petra watched him pet them for a moment.

"Armin, make sure you leave your door closed so that they don't get out. Wouldn't want them escaping the lodge," Petra instructed. Armin only nodded. After he closed the door firmly behind him, Petra gave them all their keys to their rooms. "Okay, let's continue."

She led them back downstairs, then walked into the other hallway. She pointed to both of the doors, letting them know that one was the kitchen and the other led to downstairs, where there was a sauna.

"And this here is the game room," she spread her arms wide. There were some people in here, playing board games. Three people sitting at one of the corner tables stood up and headed over toward them. Armin did a double take. That one with the ponytail and glasses was awfully familiar, and a sense of dread welled up in him.

"Ah, here they are! Everyone, this is Levi, the cook and cleaner of the lodge, Erwin, the founder, and Hanji, the co-founder." Petra introduced them. Hanji's and Armin's eyes met, and a grin slowly spread across her face. Armin visibly paled, finally remembering why she was so recognizable.


	6. Facing the Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Armin gets a surprise visit from an unwanted guest and unwanted memories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry I've been on such a hiatus! But I'm back with another fanfic and a new update for this one! I'm afraid this one isn't as long as I hoped it to be, but I stopped it at kind of a cliff hanger. I hope you enjoy!

"Why hello everyone! It's so wonderful to see you all, again," Hanji said, her eyes never straying from Armin's. "It's been such a long time, hasn't it?"

"I hope you've been faring well for all these years," Erwin added. Everyone except Armin nodded their heads.

Their voices began to fade away as Armin kept staring at Hanji, who finally glanced at the others. Everything started to become blurry, and Armin felt himself being pulled from reality, just to be attacked by an onslaught of memories he didn't want to remember.

_The two little children had been laughing, rolling around in the grass, until the sun was blocked out by a figure bending down to look at them, grinning from ear to ear as her glasses began to slip from her face._

" _Wait, wh-what's going on?" Armin asked, quivering as she belted him in place on the table._

_"Oh, this is just a precaution. Hush now," she had whispered._

_"Let's hold hands; now's not the time to get lost, dear ones," she had soothed, gripping their hands tightly. They both glanced at each other, having no reason to refuse._

_A shrill cry echoed around the room as everything was now lit up by the white light coming from the tube. Armin began screaming as well, calling out someone's name..._

"Armin...." whispered a voice. He didn't respond, he was lost, wading through a thick fog that made it hard to breathe.

"Armin..." the voice called again.

"Armin... Armin... _Armin_!" Armin jerked backward as he was suddenly brought back to reality. He blinked when he saw everyone's worried faces staring at him.

"Are you alright?" Mikasa broke the silence.

Armin quickly nodded. "Y-Yeah, I'm fine. I just dozed off, sorry."

Everyone went back to the conversation they were having. Armin observed them chatting, like nothing was wrong, even though something most definitely was. He gave a small sigh, then spoke up.

"Um, I'm gonna go lie down. I have a bit of a headache," Armin interrupted, then quickly headed to his room without waiting for a response from the others.

Armin quickly headed up the stairs and headed to his room. Once he opened the door, his cats greeted him. He closed the door behind him and gave them a few minutes of attention before laying down on the bed.

Looking up at the ceiling and being lost in his own thoughts was quite relaxing. Armin felt like he was going to sleep... But then a voice began to speak to him.

_Hey... How you holding up?_

"Like you care," Armin mumbled, trying to go to sleep again.

_Of course I care, I am you after all._

"No, you're not. Get outta my head," Armin said.

  _No. I refuse. You can't make me do anything. You wanna know why?_

_Because you're_ nothing _. Absolutely, utterly, worthless. No one would care if you left. So why not leave? It'd be the best choice you'd ever make._

"Stop it!" Armin cries before flipping over and burying his head in the pillow. The voice seemed to leave him alone after that, so he relaxed and finally went to sleep.

* * *

Armin woke up in a cold sweat. He had a strange dream, but somehow, he didn't remember it. He yawned and sat up, stretching.

Looking over at the clock next to his bed, Armin saw that it was six thirty. He definitely missed dinner. Hopefully no one was worried about him. Armin got up, wandering over to the bathroom.

After closing and locking the door behind him, Armin went to the mirror and looked at his reflection. Sighing, he turned on the water and splashed it on his face, trying to wake himself up. He looked up at the mirror, hoping his hair wasn't too wet.

But his normal reflection wasn't in the mirror.

It was of the girl. The girl he kept seeing in the mirror for such a long time. She had such long, gorgeous hair and bright blue eyes. She was beautiful. And she was who he truly was.

_No!_ Armin blinked and shook his head, trying to snap out of it. There was no way that happened. He couldn't be going crazy and seeing himself as female in the mirror... right?

Well, Armin knew about trans people. He thought they were pretty brave, but he knew he wasn't a women. He didn't feel that way about himself. He looked back up at the mirror.

She was still there.

But she wasn't copying Armin's movements. No, her hair fanned out behind her, and she was giving Armin a death glare.

_You shouldn't of lived_. she stated, leaning forward to stare into Armin's eyes. _It was_ me _that should've lived. I had my whole future taken away from me, and yet you still get to live_.

Armin stared, shocked, at the mirror. Finally, he spoke up. "Look, I'm sorry K-"

_No! Shut up! You don't get a say in anything anymore! I let you live long enough! I want a turn at life! I want to be with the love of my life, and it isn't fair that you are and I can't be._

_So I'm going to take you over._

"No! Look, you don't understand! You've already taken over my life! Do you honestly think I wanted to be a fashion designer instead of an author!? Do you!?" Armin accused, jabbing a finger at the mirror. The girl leaned away, still glaring at Armin, although now it was deeper.

The girl looks absolutely pissed, and before Armin can do anything, the girl leans forward, out of the mirror, and phases through Armin, going inside of him. Armin choked back a scream as his body was taken over. He slammed his hands against the glass, cracking it and cutting his hands in the process.

Armin loses control of himself as he spreads the glass all over the place and begins knocking everything over. He kicks the shampoo and conditioner bottles over, pulls down the curtains so hard they snap, and destroys anything that isn't nailed to the ground. He begins screaming and he puts his bloody hands on his face, smearing the blood on his cheeks. Beginning to cry, Armin bangs his head on the sink before falling to the floor and banging his head on the tile as well. His head begins to bleed and red, sticky liquid oozes out of his head and pools around him. Armin doesn't care though, he's too busy writhing in immense pain.

Armin slowly realizes his senses are going away. It all starts with the hearing. His screams are fading away, but he still feels like he's yelling. Next is the taste. Blood in his mouth no longer tasted like anything. He was giving everything over to his own kin, and he hated it.

He felt his tears slide down his cheeks until just now, when he saw one fall to the floor but he didn't register that it was on his face. He kept convulsing even though he couldn't feel the pain.

The last to go was his sight. It was slowly dimming to black, and Armin was actually relieved to see nothing. He was becoming weaker and weaker, and she was becoming stronger and stronger. Finally, he couldn't take it anymore, and lost his sight, accepting the blackness as his eternal home.

"Armin!" a voice calls. Who is that? It sounds so familiar, and now that she had control of Armin's ears, she could hear him much clearer than she ever had before.

Ah, how it was great to be alive once again.

"Armin!" the voice called again. Armin stood up and brushed his bloody hands over his clothes, staining them red. He giggled at the sight before going and unlocking the door.

"Armin! What the hell happened!? Are you alright?" Eren asked as he burst through the door. But he stopped when he saw Armin all bloody and the bathroom a mess. Eren was about to say more, but the look on Armin's face for a split second shut him up. For a second, Eren thought he saw pure hatred on Armin's beautiful facial features...

"Yeah, I'm alright, just a little freak accident," Armin said, giving Eren a smile.


	7. Using Another Body

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Armin and the gang pay a visit to an old friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah I'm a lazy procrastinating twat. Oh well.

Annie stared up at the ceiling of the room she was staying in, her body sprawled out and the covers on the floor. The ceiling fan was turned on, and she watched it spin around and around.

Currently, the clock read that it was 3:45 am, and Annie knew this would be another sleepless night. Whenever she closed her eyes, she thought about back when they were all kids and living back here, when the problems all began.

It had started with a single death. Then Armin wouldn't come out of his house, or even his room, for months. Eren had been the only one allowed inside there. Annie remembered Mikasa telling her that Armin screamed at her when she tried to come in.

When Armin finally ventured out of his shell, he had drastically changed. He wasn't his old quiet and rational self. He didn't read a lot anymore, unless it was from fashion magazines. Armin changed his mind about being an author and said he'd rather be a fashion designer instead. His room quickly changed soon after.

His sudden change had surprised everyone except Eren. Annie had noticed that whenever Armin was acting different, a grim look was set on his face. Apparently Armin had been showing signs of the change even when he was being a hermit.

Annie had remembered the search parties. They went into the woods late at night, waving around flashlights and calling her name. Ymir had joined them even though her family told her to stay inside. Annie remembered watching them disappear into the dense fog and looking up, seeing a familiar face looking at the party through the window...

Annie sighed and turned on her side, curling into a fetal position. She hated her insomnia with a burning passion. Sleep was the best thing that happened to her lately. No, not the best thing. There was another...

She sat up and looked at the clock again. 3:50. It was way too early, but she didn't have anything else to do, and staying in her room and thinking seemed unbearable right then.

Silently letting her feet touch the wooden floor, Annie rose. She gave a light stretch before heading over to the door and unlocking it. After opening it, she looked down both sides of the hallway. When she was certain no one was around, she closed the door behind her and padded down the hall.

Trying the door at the end, Annie wasn't surprised to see it was unlocked. Peeking in, Annie saw a form sleeping in the bed at the opposite end of the room, her shape rising and falling with each breath she took. Annie stared for another moment before closing the door behind her.

Walking swiftly but quietly, Annie went to one side of the bed and pulled the covers aside to reveal Mikasa, sleeping. Annie stared down at her for a moment, a soft expression on her face, before crawling in beside her and pulling the covers over them.

* * *

It was seven a.m. now, and everyone had gathered around in the kitchen to eat breakfast. There was a counter separating the actual kitchen from the eating area. A long table was put in the center of the dining room, and a small chandelier was hanging from the ceiling. The place still held its quiet charm.

Armin inhaled deeply the scent of bacon and eggs. There was also a scent of toast and butter, too. Ah, how wonderful these new smells were. Never would she return to the darkness. Never!

"Armin." Armin looked over to see Mikasa staring at him, an expressionless look on her face. "I know coming here was a tough decision. I hope you aren't too distraught over what happened here."

Armin gave Mikasa a strong smile. "I'm just fine, Mika. Don't worry about me. She'll always be in my heart."

Mikasa frowned and looked a bit displeased, but leaned back in her chair, ending the conversation. Petra brought in the plates of food, setting each of them down in front of the group.

"I hope you enjoy!" Petra said, giving them a wink before drifting back into the kitchen. Armin licked his lips before beginning to devour his breakfast, enjoying the savory sensations of taste. After Armin took a bite, everyone else began to dig in as well. Eren and Jean were complete slobs, Mikasa and Annie ate in a dignified manner, and Armin ate in a rush, although he wasn't messy.

"Ey, Armin," Eren spoke up, his mouth filled with food. Armin gave Eren a forced smile. Eren chewed his food for a few more seconds before swallowing. "Your hair looks like it grew an inch or two overnight!"

Armin looked surprised, and everyone else looked at Armin's hair, to see if what Eren said was true. Then, a broad smile appeared on Armin's face, and he fingered the new inches of his hair. It was now down to the base of his neck.

"Hm, I guess my hair grows pretty fast, huh?" Armin asked, giving a light giggle. Everyone exchanged glances with one another, but didn't say anything. They all began to eat again, until Jean piped up.

"I heard that Ymir is back in town."

A sudden clatter rang out. Everyone turned to see that Armin had dropped his fork onto the tile. He gave a sheepish smile before bending down to pick it up. Once it was set back on the table, Armin cleared his throat.

"Say what now, Jean?"

"I said that Ymir's in town."

"Oh really..." Armin grew silent for a moment, looking down at his plate. Then he abruptly stood up, the force of his movement knocking his chair onto its side. Everyone stared at him.

"We need to go to her. Immediately."

"Armin, we're in the middle of breakfast," Mikasa said, giving Armin a look. Armin sent a glare in Mikasa's direction, and she widened her eyes. He wouldn't back down. Annie just stared.

"Why do you want to go?" Eren asked.

"I want to see her," Armin said, his voice sounding desperate. Everyone could hear his tone. That needy voice. They all glanced at each other again.

"We'll go after breakfast," Mikasa decided. Armin was reluctant, but finally agreed, and fixed his chair to sit back down.

After breakfast, everyone piled into Petra's car, taking their usual seats. As Petra drove towards Ymir's house, Armin pressed his hand against the car window, peering out at the scenery. His head was heavy with nostalgia, and his eyes slowly closed as he laid his cheek against the warm glass. Eren watched with a soft expression.

Ymir lived towards the front of town in an old house cushioned between two newer, bigger ones. There were children playing across the street when Petra parked the car in front of Ymir's home. Armin stared at it, his eyes wide.

When they got to her front door, Armin saw that the doorbell was broken beyond repair, so he knocked on the door instead. He heard several dogs barking inside, and a familiar voice yelling at them to calm down. Then, the door opened.

Ymir was wearing an old t-shirt and baggy sweatpants, a coffee mug in one hand and the other on the door handle. She looked surprised for a split second, then her face went back to her usual scowl. Armin's heart began to beat faster.

"What are you doing here, fashion boy?" Ymir asked, then took a swig of her coffee. Armin fidgeted, and Eren raised an eyebrow at him. Ignoring him, Armin bashfully looked up at Ymir.

"It's been a while. I was wondering if you'd... like to talk for a bit," Armin asked, looking at the floor. Ymir seemed to think about this for a moment, her head tilted and looking over Armin.

"Your hair's gotten longer," Ymir said before opening the door wider for them to come in. Armin's face lit up and he headed inside, looking around at the house in awe. The others walked in as well, giving Armin weird glances. Two large dogs sprang into action, jumping on the newcomers. Ymir yelled at them again.

"Take a seat anywhere, I don't care," Ymir waved a hand at them as she went to the small kitchen to set down her mug. When Ymir came back, she sat on a scratched up loveseat, and Armin sat next to her. Ymir gave him an annoyed look.

The house had seen better days, both inside and out. There were cracks in the ceiling, and all of the furniture was either faded or scratched up. It was a bit messy, miscellaneous things lying about here or there. Armin looked slightly concerned.

"What have you been doing lately?" Armin blurted, leaning towards Ymir. Ymir had a weird expression on her face, leaning away from Armin.

"Eh, just working, really," Ymir answered, glancing at the others, who all shrugged in response. Armin glanced about the room again.

"You really need to start taking care of yourself, Ymir. I'm really worried about you," Armin said, his eyebrows knitted together. Ymir coughed.

"Uh, I don't think you should be telling me how to live my life, Armin."

"I'm not-," Armin paused, "... I guess so."

Petra quickly changed the subject. "What sort of beverages do you have to offer?"

"I don't know... I guess I can look in the fridge," Ymir rolled her shoulders and stood up, scratching her face and heading over to the kitchen.

"Ymirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!" Armin called, and Ymir froze, sucking in a breath. That voice... that tone...

"Yes...?"

"Do you have strawberry milk?" he asked, giving Ymir a hopeful voice. Ymir whirled to look at Armin, her eyes wide.

"What the hell is wrong with you!?" she said, glaring at him. "Why the fuck did you come here and why are you acting like, like..."

"Ymir?" Armin asked, his voice light yet full of concern.

"Get out! Get the fuck out!" Ymir yelled, and her dogs began barking. Everyone stood up quickly except Armin, a hurt look on his face. Eren grabbed his wrist and dragged him out the door, shutting it behind him.

Ymir shuddered when the door closed, the dogs still barking at the people behind it. She set down her coffee and went over to the door, peering out of the peephole. The walls were so thin that she could hear them.

"Why did she do that?" Armin asked, a familiar pout on his face. Eren shrugged.

"Maybe it was because you clinging onto her. You do realize she's gay, right?" Jean asked, giving Armin a puzzled look. Armin narrowed his eyes at Jean, and Eren hit his shoulder.

"That's enough," said Mikasa. "Let's just head back. We have other things to do, anyway."

With one last reproachful look at the house, Armin turned away and headed back to Petra's car, his hair bouncing with each step he took. Ymir didn't dare exhale until the car was long gone. When she finally did breathe again, one of her dogs prodded at her side with his nose. She looked down and saw the worry in his eyes.

Absentmindedly, she petted him, looking up at the ceiling. Why was Armin acting like... like...

"Krista..." she breathed.


End file.
